A Good Cup Of Tea

When tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability to see greatness in small things. 

... some times, a good cup of tea is in order... 

Grateful.

And a new book on the side never hurts.  :)

Puddles

What a terrible weekend...

Short tempers.

Cold temperatures.

Silence.

Tired.

Decisions need to be made, changes need to happen.  None of it easy.  But I won't go back to where I came from.  I worked through too much.  I have grown too much.  Grateful for the realization, begging for the strength.

Soaked to the bone...standin' in a puddle...

The Sleeping Hunter

This moment... Even at 13, I still love it. 

(I tried really hard to post the successful dear hunt pictures... My son's pride and enthusiasm for the trip was heart warming and touching... but I just couldn't do it.  For his love of the hunt, and for my love of the animal - I am grateful. )

A Thousand Things In One Lifetime

When I grew up, I wanted to be a thousand different things, all in one lifetime, and it seemed to me there was time enough. Today, I took a good look around, and was comforted in still accomplishing just that, and knowing there is still time enough. ♥

I posted this little diddy this morning on my facebook after a few thoughts entered and flowed out of my mind.  My entire life is a series of hurry up and get to the next thing.  My soul likes to experience so many things and learn, learn, teach.  Realizing there is time enough for it all is a thing of gratitude.  It is also something that makes me slow down, which I am just as grateful for.  

I have done a lot in my 36 years.  I intend to do much more.  The difference now, I feel, is in the quality, not the quantity, and also in the satisfaction.  So, here is the point where I take my time, measure, guage, and put thought into what I do, and for whom.  I really have learned a lot in my journey, and I look forward to sharing it.  I don't need to be someone's light at the end of the tunnel, just planting the thought that there is one will be enough.  (or encouraging one to drive the train even...)

I have an auspicious feeling of what's to come, and I am grateful for it. 

A Well Measured Monday

...what a Monday.

I was trying to find that weekend that flew by when my feet hit the floor and I poured myself into a very large cup of green tea...or eight.

I went into today looking for a fight, and tempered myself into remembering instead to look for solutions - grateful.

In fact, with many of moments today, I am grateful for my learned patience, for deep breaths before speaking - or even not speaking (yes, I can hold my words...).

And so at the end of this day, I give gratitude.  For my children, for not looking back, for strength, and for persistence, and for a lighted path - and for those who understand what that is.

And as I reflect on my day, I offer up a little more for man beside me, who kisses my forehead when he sees me struggle.  For the warm hand around my waist, and knowing where my home is.  (and grateful he's starting to feel better)

For all of the things of good measure, I am grateful.

My Son In The Sun

My boy's been gone on a trip.  I'm sure he loved it... But when he ran through that door tonight, my gratefuls were abundant!  I missed him like crazy.

We had so much to talk about, so much to be excited about...

The time is going by so fast.  I just want to slow it down so I can fill my days with a million more gratefuls and this young man.

This smile, his sense of humor, and his heart that is so rare... I am grateful.  

Girls Day

We filled our Saturday with things we love, my girl and I.

We had our toes done - something we love, and spent the morning with Mercedes - someone we love.

We wandered around the Old Strathcona Farmer's market, then perused Chapters - somewhere we love times two.

We filled our bellies in one of our favorite restaurants, with our favorite foods, and belly laughed over silly journals.

We stopped on the way home for our favorite tea at Starbucks.

And then as I drove...I watched her sleep.

My favorite girl.

A day of gratefuls. 

Moving Mountains

I saw this quote early this morning:

It's from Aaron Paquette's facebook page.  If you don't know who he is, I would recommend taking a look at his work.  His is a very gifted teacher and artist.  Brilliant even.  

This quote was exactly what I needed with the day that was before me today, and it resonated through me and I am grateful for the strength.  At the end of my day, I confidently said "my path WAS a wall, but I kicked some ass today, and I climbed higher".  

I really did have an empowering day.  A day of my own brilliance and motivation.  I didn't just climb a wall, I feel like I moved a mountain.  Even if it was just a nudge, I broke ground.  Soon there will be a train going through that mountain, and I will be driving it.  Plenty of people are going to want to get on board, as my train makes return trips just to remind everyone I never go away.

Toot Toot!

Feeling Useless

Last night the first wave of helplessness hit for this school year.  I don't just mean frustration or being irritated.  I mean the very real realization that I don't know how to help my own son succeed.  I don't know what to do.

I have been, over and over, given a diagnosis with no solutions; here's the problem - good luck.  No one in the position of assistance has added one ounce of what it is they are there to do.  Not one.  It's not that I haven't asked.  Maybe it's because I always seem so confident in finding a solution and expecting everyone to participate in a suggested plan?  Not even the Masters Degree Psychologist.... nothing but "good luck with that".

Last night, with a crumpled boy in my lap, apologizing for not being able to understand, wiping tears of frustration, I succumbed to it.  I do not have the answers.

And I let myself feel it.

And I cried.

A lot.

Then, I reached out, and asked for help - honestly not expecting one person to offer up anything useful.

And there she was.  An old friend, more qualified, certainly, than myself.  A psychologist without small town mentality.  Someone willing to say "I don't know, BUT I WILL TRY TO FIND OUT".  Someone that doesn't owe me a thing, someone that didn't have to.  This is someone who values the different kinds of learning for students.  Someone who saw my frustration from the other side of the table and said "this is bullshit".  And I am so grateful!

With a tablespoon of hope, I filled my own bowl for the week, setting up meetings and researching.  I will change the mentality in this town about the students here if it kills me.  I will not accept failure again.  I will accept help (listen to the angels sing!), and I will continue to ask for it.  I think I may have found some "luck" with this, and her name is Amber.  And Amber, for nothing more than the offer, I am grateful.






.... p.s... I'd post a picture of her here, but she'd totally kill me... so there's that...

Restful Healing

It is not very often that I give in to a virus.  It's not very often that I give up, and call in sick.  In this busy, crazy world we live in, there is a sense of guilt we carry when we are sick.  What have our lives come to when we make our selves feel bad for being ill?  Especially as women, we feel we do not have the right to be ill, to heal ourselves, to let the world function without us.  It's just a virus, it only lasts a few days.  Everyone gets sick.  Everyone.

Today, after fighting a nasty cold virus all weekend, and trying to power through it, cooking and cleaning, shopping despite all efforts to get me to stay on the couch, I gave in.  I decided my health is more important than anything else I had to do today, and I went back to bed.  I slept the morning away, crawling out of bed at 11:15 this morning.

Sleep is an amazing thing.  Sleep - where our bodies have a natural ability to recover.  To heal.  Today, as I sit on the couch, with my tea, well rested, I am grateful for sleep and my body's ability to recover.

Today, I will take the time to recover from being sick...because I am human.  And next time, maybe it will be easier to listen to those who told me to stay on the couch the first time.

But I Didn't... Then I Did

Today I woke up, and wanted to stay in bed.

But I didn't.

My blankets hugged around me, tight and warm.  I hit the snooze button... a lot.  My bed bargained with me to stay.

But I didn't.

I put my feet on the floor, blinking away the dream that startled me awake and into good morning messages of victorious test results and hope.

And outside, the fog set in, glooming in the day.  It warned my mood to keep in check.  It pushed me to match it's grey.

But I didn't.

Instead I smiled, and pulled out an old plan.  I looked at that University application.

And I did.

So there's a challenge in front of me.  And I am grateful for it.

I could have ignored my day.  I could have pulled the covers over my head and shut it all out today.

But I didn't.

I moved into my day, looking to find something new. and I did.

Cultivating Gratitude; because that's what I do.

It Goes On

I am supposed to be done.  With this project, I mean.  365 days has come, and four days ago, gone.

And here I am, at 337 posts, and haven't written a word since Wednesday.  There came a post where I said "it will be 365 days... maybe just not in a row".  There are still days of struggle, there are still days of no words.  There are days brilliance flows from my finger tips, and there are posts I re-read with pride.

There are three words I am certain of with this blog.  It's just like life... It.  Goes.  On.

I am grateful for it.

Snowy Snapdragons

Well the other night's North breeze blew in something unpleasant...the season's first snow.

I do not welcome it.

My snapdragons are less than happy.

The snow is early and it promises not to stay - grateful.  I'm not ready for snow...

The North Breeze Blows

A breeze came out of the North tonight, and brought with it a dance of lights.  It was short lived - as my camera knows.  I tried to capture it, but a comedy of errors followed the shutter clicking... and well, I will have to hope for better luck next time.

For the breeze that blew through the autumn night, for the air filled with fragrance and silent light dances, and for the curiosity of children, I am grateful.


The moment I got to stand in the darkness and watch the dance is a thing of great gratitude.  For the gifts the Earth offers to us, I give thanks.

Until I capture this year's lights, last year's will have to do.  

Cleaning Out

I have been in purge mode since Friday.  It's been non-stop cleaning.  Bedrooms, yard, soul.

It feels so good!  The cleaning and purging, the newness that comes with a serene environment.

Oh, how I am grateful for the serenity... and how it ripples through everything and everyone.  Yes... the ripple effect.  Grateful.

Serenity... more grateful.

Bucket Of Mums

I decided it was time to clean up my flower beds for fall - since it's already frozen more than once.  The day has afforded my some beautiful sunshine.  So I sat by myself, digging up bulbs, and filling my hydrangea cage with leaves, breathing in the autumn aroma.  I shook up the bucket of mums, and let the sweet scent fill me.  I am so grateful for autumn, I wish it never left us, and just jumped into summer one after the other.

It's a quiet day here.  A good day for thinking and pondering, a good day for clean up of the soul.  I am grateful for my time in the sun this afternoon.  But the reality of it is, in my pondering this afternoon, I found myself quite sad.  As I sat alone with my flowers, I could hear the family across the street.  Their house is full.  They have family there, and they are preparing their thanksgiving dinner and playing a rowdy game of football in the back yard.  I smiled at my own family memories, and fought back tears of what used to be.

It's Thanksgiving weekend, and life has become too busy, I guess, for dinner.  Maybe even not too busy, but too tired of life's complications.  The siblings that chose not to be part of each other's lives, the parents who are torn, the kids who don't know one another.  The scheduled time for the parents that divorced.  The work schedules, the travel.  There's no turkey in my oven, there's no family at my house.  There's no laughter or card games, or excessively warm kitchens.  And so I am so saddened at "too much".  My heart is sad, and longing for a good ol' fashioned family meal.

So, here I am, with my bucket of mums, well aware of what's been missing.  Family.  And somewhere, some how, there needs to stop being so many excuses.

Counted Blessings

I came home today, complained about my day. (thought it was justified)

I tried to help with math homework, and couldn't, and wished my skills were better. (not proud)

I lectured my son about taking responsibility for his education, and boiled over with frustration, barely allowing him to speak.  (not a moment I am grateful for, I need to find a better way)

I ranted about procrastination.  I harped about things being done in a timely matter.  I was h.a.n.g.r.y. tonight after having gone too long without food.  ( my own damn fault - all of it)

And as I laid here in bed, trying to wear off some of what was winding me up, I heard a mother lost her son. I heard tonight, that she doesn't get to say goodnight.  My heart stopped, and just like in a movie, my whole day rewound in my head, warnings of regrets and nightmares.  Oddly - it is that moment of rewinding and whispered warnings that I am grateful for.

In my tears for another mom tonight, I am grateful for the frustrating moments over math problems and upside down test scores.  I am grateful for apologies, I am grateful for sharing dinner at the table, no matter the hour with my children.  I am grateful at the end of my day to have my babies close to me, dreaming in the hours, peaceful and safe.

For he who protects us, who works so hard for family, who loves with an unmatched love.  For a job that provides with ease, for a house that shelters us in warmth.  For all the things we have to wait for, and for the time...  Grateful.

Blessings.

(make sure you count yours.  I did.)

Learning

It's funny what one's learns in a day.  From conversations, or from questions; from listening, from paying attention to one's own thoughts.

I have always said  it is necessary to learn something everyday.  And I am ever grateful for learning.

I had a lesson today in trust.  I had a lesson today in friendship and confidence.  A lesson in unsaid things.

I learned.

Grateful...

...despite the betrayal I feel.  And I even said "one day I will learn".  One day is today.

The Coming Home Sometimes Makes The Being Gone Have Purpose

So my blog's been quiet.

Life has not been.

Also, it feels like society is in a place where stupidity rules... which dampens cultivation of gratitude.

There is something, though, that has settled me.  It's just a phrase.  One I find myself using all the time, but sometimes, when someone else says it... well I guess I just didn't see how much it means.

"I'm home."

And for the realization of what it means not only to me, but to someone else... well, it was a real eye opener.

Home.

Realization that I am part of someone's home. 

Grateful.