Blue Moon Believing

This week has been long, and challenging. It's been filled with some laughter, some tears.  It's seen anger, anticipation, frustration and felicity. It's been filled with the things of life.

I am a big believer in second chances... so, at the end of this week, I look forward to the beginning of the next. I believe it will be better.

Today, this day of the end of this week, brings to us a Moon that is full. It is full for the second time this month. It looks like the Universe is a believer in second chances as well. Grateful.

This full moon says goodbye to summer. It opens the door to September's Earthy fragrance. It sees Autumn; warm days, and cool nights. This full moon's light is an instrument of peace, and faith there will always be light in the darkness.  Tonight is a night for ritual and  gratitude.  For new seasons, second chances, and things that remind me of what I Believe in...

Earth my body,

Water my blood,

Air my breath,

And Fire my spirit.

Thursday's Theory

One of marriage's greatest secrets of success is being fulfilled as an individual before you can complete "the couple".  It is just as important to have the ability to continue as an individual after becoming a couple.

I am grateful for this lesson long ago, and for not only my ability to embrace my individualism and independence, but for choosing someone who has learned to do the same.  

One Word Wednesday

Sunshine

All Those RAKS

"God promises that if we truly love Him, He will cause even the most terrible things in our lives to somehow be used for good." Romans 8:28

I sat down to write about this quote, and spill my cup of gratitude that is overflowing with what I have experienced in the past three weeks.  I want to tell you all about the people that have restored my faith in humanity.  I want to tell you about the moms, and the organizations, and the deliveries.  I want to tell you all about the little joys - like Cupcake Tuesdays.  I want to tell you about all the good moments.  I want to tell you about tears.  I want to tell you about love.

And I will tell you...but not tonight.

Tonight I am going to tell you that a horrible thing in someone else's life, that I am watching from the sidelines has changed me.  A horrible thing that I cannot fix, has opened a door to what I can do.  I discovered something good about myself in the process.  I am an advocate.  I am an advocate for what I can change, and what I can do to make a difference.  I am an advocate for kindness, and goodness, and getting things done; things that make the world a kinder place, and I am grateful.

There are good things among the terrible things, and all we had to do was face the horrible things with love.

Busy Hands, Quiet Mind

Aries (Horoscope for today, August 27, 2012)
If you find yourself in a slump today, Aries, don't worry. It could be that nothing fits right or that a certain nervous, restless energy urges you to take action but uncertainty prevents you from knowing which way to turn. This combination could result in a locked-up feeling that keeps you incapable of any movement at all.

Hmm... yes, that sums it up for this morning. In fact, it sums up the whole weekend. I kept myself occupied with projects and household chores - painted the front door, baked some lemon loaf, did the yard work, prepared all the apple trees for autumn, and so on, and so on. I really had nothing to say, or write for that matter. It was a weekend full of keeping my mind occupied, and my body busy. This morning, my body is not thanking me at all for the hard work, yet my mind is in a far more peaceful place than it was all last week.

There is a satisfaction that comes in a completed project. Perhaps it is that satisfaction that quiets the mind, and makes everything that is - okay for the time being. Things will be what they will be, and you can only have control of the things in your hands. The rest is up to the universe.

Things will be what they will be... and no matter what restlessness lies within me, there will always be a door to open to keep me from the locked up feeling of it all. The only thing I can control is how it all looks on the hinges.

(...all right, it's not the best picture I have ever taken, but none the less, it's the project I have in my hands. It's an open door...and one that looks much better now than it did when I started. It lets the light in, and the breeze through. It's all in the frame of mind, and swinging hinges.)

With Gratitude...

This Morning is About...

This morning is about chocolate coffee.

This morning is about cool red sneaks.

This morning is about deep breaths, practicing patience,

Having faith and cultivating gratitude.

I wonder what tonight will tonight will be about?

Until then...

Cupcake Tuesdays

Ashley told me a story today.  It was both sad and terrifying.

Another patient, diagnosed with the same cancer as her own, has come to the end of her battle.  This wickedly evil cancer has swiftly made it's way through this young woman's body, invading her liver, her spleen, her brain, and her pancreas.  She has been given mere days to make her peace with the Earth.  She will leave behind a family, including a ten year old, and a fourteen month old.  It's heart breaking, and filled with sadness that would fill the seas.

This cancer...it terrifies me.  It makes me stop breathing.  Every Tuesday, I ask Ashley about her test results, and I hold my breath.  And every time it is good news, I want to throw confetti and toot horns, and dance with reckless abandon.  I want to celebrate every single good news Tuesday.  We decided tonight, Ashley and I, that every Tuesday shall be celebrated with a cupcake.

First of all... it's a cupcake!  We shall have our cake and eat it too.  And every Tuesday in this battle, we will celebrate life.  We will celebrate the battle, the defiance, and the will.  And every Tuesday, we will offer a prayer, and celebrate life for those who can't.  I am looking forward to Tuesday already.

We invite you, dear friends, to grab a cupcake for Cupcake Tuesday.  Hold up in the air, knowing we are doing the same, celebrate your life, and whisper, yell or shout "Cheers!".

Oh, Cryptic Talk

Oh Universe... You are such a wonder to me.

Very often lately, I stand back and look closely at what you have put in front of me.  I breathe deep, and sometimes even smile a crooked smile and I think..."what the hell?!"

The things you have dangling in front of my face right now, forcing me to look at my life and where I am, what I am capable of and what I have learned...

What can I say?... Well played Universe...Well played. 

I actually find myself giggling at it all, and grateful for the humor I find in it.  Oddly, I am grateful for the challenge.

Oh cryptic words, you come so easily...

Unraveling What Could Be

I think the universe is unraveling.  And it's not the kind of unraveling that most would think.  It's not the end of things, but the beginning of things.  Or maybe it's the end of things to reveal the beginning of things.

Either way, the anticipation is killing me.

That's not true either.  It's not killing me.  Again, quite the opposite is true.  I am feeling more alive.  My level of contentment is changing.  My feeling of ability, knowledge and experience is apparent to me - a pleasant revelation.  To be able to see what I have learned, and where I am now...it's invigorating, and I am filled with gratitude.

Back to the unraveling.  Let me try to describe this feeling I have had lately... it's not like the unraveling of the  proverbial rope I talk about.  It's not about tying a knot and hanging on... not this time.  This is more like a silk ribbon - a big ball of silk ribbon.  Yes.  It's like standing with a huge planet of silk ribbon in my hands, unraveling into the wind, and wrapping itself around every inch of my being.  And when it unravels, it's soft, and caresses in it's motions.

I can't decide, as good as it all feels, if I ever want to reveal what it's all unraveling to.  Right at this moment, I am caught up in the mystery of what could be.  

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep
I count my blessings, head to feet.
Try as I may, my thoughts still spin
About my day and how it's been.
I ask my God to listen here
to thoughts and prayers I hold so dear.
Surround me now in perfect light,
Keep my family safe this night.




And tomorrow, when light shines,
Give us strength and love and time.
When frustrations leads the away,
Let grace and love fill the day.




With Gratitude, Love and Light

Karmatic Retribution

I am a huge believer in Karmatic Retribution... or that's what I call it.  What one puts out there, comes back three fold... and normally when you least expect it.

I listened to this music, and some of these favorite words of mine three times in a row two nights ago.  It's funny where it takes me, or who would understand...

Tonight, I think I will be just be grateful for the equalization within the universe, and for doors that open when a window closes, and the reminder to "open the door".

For As Long As Time Allows

These rings are created in a circle of the dara knot. The dara knot was created in the likeness of the root system of an oak tree, which represents important pieces of this relationship. It reminds us that beneath our surface, beneath the soil, we have vastly divine inner resources, a root system that lends us wisdom and stability regardless of the circumstances we see around us. The dara knot signifies strength in times of challenge, power to behold your own destiny, and the endurance to see it through. Wear these rings as a symbol of your strength together. They are circles of wholeness, perfect in form, they mark the beginning of your journey together. May these rings continue to glow in the warmth of the love, which today flows freely between you.

I give you this ring, as I give you myself, with love and affection; 

for today and for all the tomorrows to come. 

Wear it in peace and strength always."

I will treasure and cherish you as long as time allows.

With Gratitude, and love. 

Holding Hope

When was the last time

You held Hope

From a string

Of delicate things?

For me...

It was today.

With gratitude.

Milk Man

I spent a better part of my evening and into this morning organizing something pretty special.  As some of you know from my other blog, Ashley is fighting cancer, right after having a baby.  Going through chemo, of course, has taken away Ashley's ability to nurse her baby girl - who, as a premie, really needs it.

So there I was, gears turning, needing to do something to feel useful...and so it began...the search for breast milk donors.

Let me tell you what happened.  The heavens opened up and sent me angels.  Angels called Moms.  My email started filling with offers to help.  Offers from all over Alberta, offering up milk, prayers, time, and love.  My heart is overflowing - and so are my eyes.  The tears of gratitude are running non stop today.

I expected a couple of my friends to respond to a request for help when I posted it on Facebook.  And of course, they did.  And so did many others.  Others I don't know, others I have never met.  Others filled with concern and kindness, instinct, protection and love.

And so, today, I am the Milk Man.  I am organizing pickups and deliveries of milk donations for baby Peytyn and her momma.  Not only does this relieve some stress for Ashley not being able to nurse, but as a premature baby with a premature digestive system, this milk donation may very well prevent a feeding tube as that tiny belly just does not do well with formula.

I emailed Ashley this morning.  She was in chemo, and waiting on test results.  She was over joyed with the response and more than grateful for those mommies out there that "just want to help, it's what mommies do".

I have been sitting in faith, waiting for God to hear our prayers, and fix this situation that clearly he couldn't have possibly intentionally put on such a beautiful person as our Ashley... I think he heard us...and I am grateful.

see the light?  me too... 

Costly Cards

I took off today and spent the day with my mom at the lake.  She and I, playing cards all afternoon, staring out over the water, visiting and chatting...

Losing to my momma at cards: $1.50
Visiting all afternoon with my mom: Priceless.

Grateful.

Brave

Yesterday, I took my kids for a day of whatever they wanted to do.  We did a little shopping, went for lunch, and then, my son, very surprisingly, suggested we go see Brave.  I almost hit the roof with excitement at the mere suggestion of it - I even squealed like a little girl.

And so we did.  There I was, luckiest mom in the world, with a child curled up on either side, watching Disney's best movie to date.  AH-MA-ZING!

I will even admit to the tears that came from touching moments in a Disney movie.  There is no place, at that time, I would have rather been than with my kids at that movie.

My gratitude runneth over; for the day with my kids, for the suggestion to see the movie (that comes from a completely unselfish place within my son), for a Disney movie where both parents lived (!gasp!) and the beautiful princess did not get married at 16 (!thank you sensible writers!), for tears, and for the relationship between a mother and her children... Grateful doesn't even begin to touch the overwhelming emotion of my day.

Therapy Session

I had a conversation tonight with my wildly wonderful friend, Shelly.  We laughed, we joked, we were even a little...self righteously judgmental, and it was warranted.  We don't hold it against each other.  Some times you just have to get it out, and it feels so good.

It never fails that our chats turn into realizations for me, and make me feel as if I have just spent an hour or twelve with a therapist, uncovering secrets and thoughts I would never dare to share.

Tonight I am grateful for "being on the couch" and the freedom to say what I need to, and for the simple words "are you okay, my friend?".

The spirits knew all about our friendship...long before we did.  

Vine Then!

I used to have this ivy in my house.  I kept it in, watered it, put in light, urged it to grow... but all it did was wilt away despite all my best efforts.

I stuck the pot out on my deck last year, forgetting to put it away in the garage.  It sat in the elements for a year now, fighting whatever Mother Nature threw at it.

Would you just look at the flourishing life that appears when you just let it alone...

Huh.

With growing gratitude.

Conjuring Courage

This...

Also looks like this...

For moments when we conjure up bravery to discover a rush of excitement, I am grateful. 

Open Doors

Dear Person Who Will Never Read This,

A good parent never needs an apology from a child.  You may want it...but you don't need it.

A good parent always leaves the door open, even after it's been slammed in their face over and over.  A child needs to know all it takes, is coming to the door.  It's a life lesson in unconditional love, and it's a character lesson that makes all the difference.

I am grateful to be someone who always holds open the door, even when it's extremely heavy.  I hope, in my heart of hearts, you, one day will learn the value of doing the same.

Regards,

Me.

Recirculating Vat Of Everything I Know

Sometimes I find this place, this blog project, to be a recirculating vat of everything I know, interrupted occasionally by moments of realization and brilliance.   It has become a place of camaraderie, a place of emotion, a place of expression, and I am very grateful for it.  I am also grateful for the moments.  The moments of realization that come streaming through my finger tips, the sight of something on the screen that I didn't expect or know was me in me.  I love the gift of looking back on what I have written, or expressed and thinking to myself "wow, that came from me, it's brilliant" and being proud.

I had initially started the project to find the gratitude in everyday things.  The sunshine, the roses, the day to day, first world luxuries we all take for granted.  But the more I work with it, the more I mold this into a place, not only for gratitude, but for healing.  I began to feel trapped in the everyday, and slighted by repetitive thanks for simply being alive (never ungrateful for it, but really, how many times can you say it?).

This blog has turned into a winery of personality, vats lining the isles of my mind.  Sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's sour, even a little bitter some days, but none the less, it's offered up for a tasting.  And for those of you who wander the vineyards - I raise my glass to you.

Every single day of my life I am grateful for the day given to me to live.  I am grateful for my family, and my health, and what surrounds me.  And some days, I am just grateful for simplicity and a break from the technological world we live in, and grateful for quiet, and for making the decision to write nothing at all.  I have gratitude for a good cup of tea, and for visits, for friends, and for love.  I would say "aren't we all", but I have become vastly aware, that no, we are not all grateful for our day to day lives.  More people need to be.

For this project that has offered me the greatest outlet of expression of who I am, and who I strive to be; for the opportunity to share that part of myself with anyone who cares to know it, or read it, or walk with me in my journey, I am grateful.  Lastly, today, I am grateful to myself, for the effort.

Much love friends....Cheers.