Saturday, December 31, 2011

12 Things To Welcome 2012


Somethings, even the simplest things, just make me gush with warm fuzzy feelings.  I decided today, to fill my day, the last day of the year, with some of my favorite things.  What a way to bring in the New Year - welcome it with smiles, simplicity, and gratitude.

Here is a count down, in honor of the 2012 eve.  Twelve of my favorite things that filled my day, and kept me full of warm, fuzzy gratitude.


12.  Moonstones.  Ok- this I didn't get today, It actually came in the mail yesterday.  It's my wonderfully beautiful moon stone ring.  I have fallen completely in love with it.  (eat your heart out Silpada, I got it on ebay for five dollars).

11.  A Wind River micro fleece blanket that is like being wrapped in a teddy bear for my favorite chair.


10.  Cheese cake for a New Years Eve Dessert.


9.  Pre-ordered (smart thinking!) Chinese food for supper


8.  Fuzzy pj pants and tank tops - perfect for movie watching. (and yes, those are gingerbread men, and yes, they are indeed pink - I am tough enough)


7.  I sat for a half an hour and watched half of the Bill Engvall special.  Is there anyone funnier? No. I don't think there is.  "Here's your sign..."

6.  A warm cup of mocha coffee (specifically mixed...carnation hot chocolate-with the marshmallows- mixed with warm milk, infused with Three Sisters Kicking Horse coffee), in one of my favorite pottery mugs, made by my friend Laura Castle. 


5. Time to sit and write my blog while sipping my coffee, listening to "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" on the food network.  We allllll know I love that!




4.  New socks... oh my goodness, do I love new socks!  The way they fit, hugging your arches, securing your step... new socks almost deserve a blog all on their own.  



3.  My husband was done work early today, home for the quiet New Year's Eve.  Isn't the eye roll charming?



2.   My pretty girlie stopped by to feed her bunny today, and ran in for a kiss. Stolen moments with my kids - pure joy. 



1.  Anticipation of a New Year ahead.  A time for ambition, intentions and hope.  Here's to new beginnings, my friends, here's to 2012. Remember to take time for all of your favorite things this year. 





Movie Night

Alright, it's Saturday morning, and I am making up for Friday night.  Last night's time belonged solely to my husband, sharing my space with him, and movie night.

I am grateful for movies, popcorn and pepsi with my husband.  Some of my favorite things...




Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Shades of Friendship

I have been thinking a lot lately (as per yesterday's nagging voices) about friendship.  I came across two things today that deserve some attention.

There is white...

I can count on one hand the number of my friends that fit this bill in any given day.  These are my kindred spirits who are with me in my darkest hours, who celebrate with me, who cry with me in sorrow and joy.  They shed tears instead of drying mine. These are the people who's souls intertwine with mine in laughter, and even more so in the quiet sunbeams.  I am so eternally grateful for these people.  Without them, my soul would be lost.  When was the last time you evaluated the friendships in your life?  Are you this kind of friend?  This is the kind of friend I pray my true kindred souls find in me.


And there is black...

This is the nagging voice that just won't leave me alone.  My soul cries for the "friend" that I once knew.  The voice keeps asking me why I insist on hanging onto the hurt, coddling that soul that used to caress mine, yet turned it's back and walked away.  I find the lesson of lost friendships so terribly devastating - and I have seen my share.  I have listened intently to the voice of forgiveness, of newness, and of grief, but I seem to be deafened to the voice of letting go.  Perhaps I should be grateful for the deafening silence of that voice, as I always seem to be the one holding onto the rope, just in case someone falls and no one else is there to catch their soul.  

Maybe it's not so black and white, and maybe, I should be grateful for the hues of grey in between the light and dark.  Then again, maybe I should get a hearing aid.  (that sentence had way more bite when I read it out loud...wow...)

So how do we know when it's time to let go of the people we once knew?  Do we ever, truly?  I suppose, for some people with walls of steel around their heart and soul, the process may not be a difficult one.  But for souls - as I like to think mine is - that open and breathe life, and welcome fellow journey travelers with open arms and unconditional love, that feel emotion beyond the surface, can we look in the eyes of someone we shared ourselves with, and just...let it be?  Is that a choice of ours? Can we ever just look back, and be grateful for the time, and let go, even if it brings us knee buckling, heart wrenching pain?  

Today in my tumultuous voices of friendship, I am so grateful for those true friends I can count on one hand, and I am also grateful, I think, that I find it much more difficult to let people become just people I once knew.  



Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Contemplation & Realizations

You know, sometimes when something eats at you, over and over, even when you try to ignore it, nagging at your conscious thought, pushing it's way deeper and deeper into your cerebellum?  I have that a lot.  I used to hate it.  I used to run from it.  I used to offer it my power, my energy, my identity.

In all of it's complication, life continues to offer up lessons for us.  It watches, it takes note, and when we miss the lesson, it offers it up again, hoping we will take notice.  One of my lessons was to face the voices.  My lesson was to listen.  Good or bad - the lesson was to be quiet, and to listen.  It's a funny thing what we can hear when we are quiet. The realizations can be quiet altering. 

Good or bad, I am grateful for contemplation and for realizations.  

I have learned that a contemplative state of mind is not a negative vantage point.  I have come to love sitting and thinking, remembering, tossing, weighing...realizing.  I have delved into decisions, I have sought answers, found reason, and faced fear.  Not all the nagging voices are ones that I like, but all of them are ones that I am willing to hear.  

I seem to be rambling a bit tonight.  In all honesty, I am trying to listen to a voice, and above that, listen to my own reasoning of it.  It's been months of nagging, and years of heart ache, much forgiveness, and still, the voice nags me "why"?  

Good or bad, I am grateful for realizations. 


Maybe tomorrow, when it's quieter.  Maybe next week... Maybe.  

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Reset

I spent my day organizing and cleaning, replenishing the peace in my home.  A whole day, where I should have done nothing but relax, and I filled it with bathrooms, vacuuming, laundry and so on, and so on.  One might think that I would find irritation in it, but, in fact, I found it very grounding.

I find solace in my spaces, the ones where I take the time to put things where I like them, and blend the colors the way I like them.  And the post-Christmas clean gives me...well...a reset.  And with the reset, comes a time of recoup.  Recuperation from the holiday, from the scheduled chaos, and from the interruption of my spaces.  I take pride in the cleaning, the cleansing, the purification of it all.  I am grateful for the reset, and I will save my relaxation for the weekend ahead.




Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas Fireworks

There's Christmas fireworks outside.  My daughter tells me it happens every year, but I have yet to see them.  I can only hear them.  What a great theory, though.  Putting lights of celebration in the sky.  Lights that match the lights on houses, and sparkling on trees in our homes.  A loud celebration of light to match the energy of the season, and wish it a farewell on this Boxing Day - a lighted send off.  Oh how I wish I could see them.

I am happy to be sending this holiday season off, packing it away, and returning my house to the serene space I have come to love so much.  I am craving quiet, time to gather in close the scattered thoughts of my days.

I am happy to have spent Christmas with family, grateful for the time.  I am also grateful to have accomplished the unconscious acceptance of sharing my kids, and grateful to be free of tears today (for the first time in seven years) as they left for their Dad's house.

I can hear the fireworks, popping and bursting, exploding in expression, rejoicing in their freedom.  I envy the fireworks right now. I, myself, feel like a shook up bottle of soda pop, waiting to burst, anticipating the expression (hence the need for a bit of serenity).  I am anxious for a new year to begin, and clean the slate of lessons learned this year to open up a road filled with new horizons, turns and roads less traveled.

(DECLAN MCCULLAGH PHOTOGRAPHY)



Sunday, December 25, 2011

Oh Holy Night

The stars are brightly shining.  The Earth is still. There is a quiet beyond our door ways that is seldom this settling.  The day's excitement is now simply a satisfied hum of merriment and peace.

We have shared our gifts, we have shared our tables.  We have shared in the company of loved ones all day, enjoying the simplicity of each other, and not actually having to do much.  Today was for our family, and I am grateful.  I am grateful now, to sit in the semi-quiet, with a cup of tea, and enjoy the energy of the house, and this oh, Holy Night.




Peace and Merriment, My Friends

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Sing It Suess!

"Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer.  Cheer to all Whos far and near.  Christmas Day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp.  Christmas Day will always be just as long as we have we.  Welcome Christmas, while we stand, heart to heart, and hand in hand."  ~How The Grinch Stole Christmas~

Dr. Suess is brilliant, and I am grateful for words that have rang out through our house for years and years, reminding us the true spirit and intentions of Christmas.  Christmas is for the celebration of togetherness, for family, for memories, and for sharing love. 

I spent today, Christmas Eve, at my Grandpa's house, for the first time in well over 15 years.  I spent time in a kitchen too small, sharing stories and laughter with my sister in law, my cousin's beautiful wife (whom I just met for the first time, even though they have been married for years and have two beautiful girls already).  I helped my momma with dinner in my grandma's kitchen, all the while watching her choke back her own tears as she cooked for the family for the first time without her own momma. I listened to the hum of old westerns in the living room, stories in the dining room, and kids laughing downstairs.  It was... just right. 

There were kids, and cousins, uncles and aunts, moms and dads, nanas and papas.  There were all the Whos of Whoville, hand in hand, heart to heart... and in the quiet moments, I think I heard a smile.  

Welcome Christmas...Welcome Home. 



Friday, December 23, 2011

All Is Right With The World Tonight

I am... in a new state of relaxation.  No more rushing, no more worry.  All of my kids are under one roof, and I am breathing easy.  I am grateful when all seems right with the world.  It puts me at a place of peace, gentle smiles, warms hugs and a sense of home.  

Let the lights shine out tonight, let the stars sparkle in the sky, sharing their light with Christmas bulbs sparkling out in the night.  Let the Earth rest quiet and stand still.  All is right with world tonight.  

(p.s. I am secretly grateful for advil today, doing its job, and doing it well.  I'm sure it has almost nothing to do with my state of relaxation)


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Lucky - And I Know It.

My goodness what a busy day!  So, so busy, in fact, that I barely know what to write, or where to start with my gratitude.

I spent my afternoon with 32 kids, caroling in our downtown area.  Let me tell you what I saw.  I saw people...people with frowns, grimaces, furrowed brows... people who stopped dead in their tracks to listen to children singing out the spirit of Christmas.  I saw faces change, I watched memories brew with tunes, and I saw smiles grow on the faces as the voices of children touched their hearts.  People sang along, they cheered, the clapped, they praised, and they wished the children a Merry Christmas... and then they wished each other a Merry Christmas...and the cashiers, and the sales people.  I saw Christmas spirit grow.  I am grateful for the voices of children, and for the break in such a fast pace, and for memories.

I came home and helped out with a Christmas present in my own home.  My dad helped install a new dishwasher today in my kitchen.  I watched, I learned, I helped.  I am grateful for the wonderful teacher I have in my father.  I am grateful for my father, how much I am like him, and the love we have for each other.

My kids are all a buzz with the wonder of Christmas - and that in itself is worth a mention.  I am grateful for their spirits, their hearts, their wonder and their love for Christmas.

I summed up my day with a glass of wine with my dear friend.  My amica stretta.  I charmed her a bracelet for Christmas and she warmed my heart with her loving, genuine smile.  I am so grateful for my true friends, those close to my heart, and part of my soul.

I look around and there is just so much everyday to be grateful for.  But today, I have a special point of gratitude as well.  I am grateful for my husband, who got up at three in the morning today, working in the wee hours while we slept.  I am grateful for his hard work, and for his dedication to our family and to our household.  I work at job where I may enjoy a little bit of flexibility, and I installed a new dishwasher, and I spent time with my kids today because he went to work at three a.m.  I am not only grateful, but lucky, and I know it.

I could blog on, and on, and on tonight.  My heart is full.



Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Winter Solstice

I came across a prayer this morning that means so much to me.  As I read it, I found so many relations to the people in my life right now, experiences, lessons, and changing times. It tells us that we all have winter in our lives, a chill and darkness that makes us yearn for days that have gone or put our hope in days yet to be.  Winter is a time where the Earth turns cold and bare as nature takes stock, rests, unwinds, and sleeps until the time is right.

This prayer reminds us we need a time of winter in our lives.  A time of rest, a time to stand still.  A time to reacquaint ourselves with the faith in which we live and breathe,  It is only then that we can draw strength from the one in whom we are rooted, take time to grow and rise through the darkness into the warm glow of springtime, to blossom and flourish, bring color and vitality back into our worlds, and into our gardens.

I have always found times of quiet to be magical.  There are things that can be heard in the silence that can change everything.  I wish you all a magical time of quiet on this Solstice day.  Take time for yourselves to unwind and rest, and look towards a flourishing time ahead.  Take this day to be grateful for the year that has past, the quiet blanket of peace that has tucked our Earth in to rest, and draw strength from a time of darkness.  From here, the days will lighten, the sun will burn longer, and set fire to our quiet time of rest.

Solstice offers up the sparkle of snowflakes on trees, settled snow covered Earth where newly traveled paths have diverged.  It shows us ice crystalled breath in cool air, reminding us to breathe.  Burning sun rises crest in a dark sky, reminding us there will always be light despite the darkness.

Let this Solstice be your time of celebration.  Celebrate what has gone and what lies ahead of you.  Celebrate what you have become, and who you will be this time next year.  I wish you magic today, my friends.  I wish you peace, and light, and most of all, the Earth's love.



Cold and Dark, this time of year
The Earth lies dormant, awaiting the return of the sun,
And with it Life.
Far beneath the frozen surface, a heartbeat waits until the moment is right
To Spring. 



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Tune Full of Sugar

So I went shopping today.... I shopped as much as I could in the town we are in, trying not to over spend, trying to keep it all on an even keel.  What happened to Christmas?  What happened to my love for it?  It's buried so deep...

I am grateful to be finished shopping, and for the Christmas carols I hummed while I packed my groceries, and for the beautiful elderly lady who smiled so wonderfully, listening to me sing to myself (and apparently to her).  She turned to me with her wonderful smile and said "Merry Christmas, dear".  And to you my sweet... and to you.


Baby, it's cold outside... a little tune that makes it all seem a little bit brighter. :)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Alright, they begged me not to blog about it, but...Really, how can I not??!!


I am so grateful I taught them to dance.  I am so grateful they will dance together.

I am so grateful they can be each other's stress break.  We were in the middle of an Aspergers moment of frustration with homework.  We were going one step forward and two steps back.  We took a dance break to shake it off, and suddenly - we were two steps forward, and one step back.  Just dance...

I am eternally grateful my children are each other's best friends, and together, they can find the two steps forward.  I am more than grateful for dancing in the kitchen - just like my momma taught me.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Bakers Gift

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip: 3 dozen
Peanut Butter Cup Hide Aways:  3 dozen
Chocolate Chip: 3 dozen
Puffed Wheat Squares
Rice Crispy Squares
Chocolate Fudge Brownies

This was my day as the Baker Girl. I am grateful today for my willpower to not eat what I baked!  I am also grateful to be able to put together cookie stacker boxes, filled with made from the heart treats for teachers and friends.  

I am also grateful that I fit in a bit of sewing today in my ten minute blocks of cooking time.  Chair covers, table runner, pillow covers... I almost felt as if I knew what I was doing! Graaaaaaateful!!!  

Another busy day, and Christmas is sneaking up waaaaayyyy too fast.  I have so, so much to do still!


mmmmmm...delicious!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Swing Of The Pendulum

What an intriguing day.  I was up long before I had anticipated. and I woke up with a belly full of ambition.  My time today, was of perfect proportion - not too slow, not too fast, just the perfect pace to keep time moving.

I filled my days with little chores, simple things I have put off combined with things that needed to be done.  I putzed, I spun, I puttered - like cogs in a clock, turning and spinning in constant motion, with the purpose of passing time.  I was the nuts and bolts in my own day, ensuring nothing came loose, and the hands were never idle, or seizing.

Funny that I chose to mix up a batch of Nuts & Bolts today.  I always marvel in the hindsight of what I had chosen to cook during my day.  Nuts & Bolts, just like my day.  I can still smell the slow simmer of spices wafting in the house, and feel the constant warm of the oven filling the kitchen I kept myself busy in all day.

I let my music play today, sliding through me, tuning the cogs, letting the nuts and bolts adjust with ease, keeping the rhythm of the day swinging like a well weighted pendulum.  I am grateful today for the smooth ease of function, the nuts and bolts, the cogs, and for every swing of the pendulum.






Friday, December 16, 2011

Nothing But A Fire

It's been an extremely long week.  It's been trying, and frustrating.  It's had more challenges than lessons, and more hurdles than free range.  I am grateful it is Friday.  I am grateful to be sitting by a fire, watching a movie I didn't even think I would like, and not having to worry or think about a thing.  I am grateful for an opportunity to renew myself, and my soul, and start fresh next week.

I am looking forward to a good night's sleep, sleeping in, and  little bit of time to myself.  Tomorrow starts the weekend, and although I have many, many things on my "to do" list, right now, all I have to do is sit, and enjoy the fire.




Thursday, December 15, 2011

Revenge is....

Sometimes, I forget the Universe knows better than I.  And sometimes, just for a minute - ok maybe even for a day- that karma is three fold.

 I don't have a lot to say tonight, for I won't publicly rub salt in wounds, but I am grateful for the three fold rule, junior high band and choir, and for not sitting through more than I had to.

I shouldn't say revenge is sweet... but my goodness I am grateful for karmatic retribution.  Thank you, Universe, for that little bit of laughter, and knowing how much I needed it.

Until tomorrow my friends...


p.s... when at a junior high band and choir concert, and there's a break in the "acts", and you are told to run for the door... RUN! Don't look back, just run...




Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Not Yet

This blog is dedicated to my beautiful friend Mercedes, who is a new mom this year.  Kali is rounding 6 months old, and so incredibly beautiful - she's learning from her mommy.  I love you Sades...

Sadie told me a story today about teaching Kali how to "self soothe" and put herself to sleep.  She says she's crying just as much as the baby in this process, and just wants to hold her.  My opinion, which I am entitled to share because, well, it's my blog, you will all read here, and discounts most of what books and new fangled doctors tell you in our fast, fast world.  

My son was three months old when I went back to work.  I was not afforded the opportunity to stay home with him.  But for the time I did have in my schedule, and every night, I savored every moment of him being small enough to hold.  I rocked him to sleep every night.  I would watch his eyes close, I would listen to his peaceful breath, and match it with my own.  I would run my fingers over his, and marvel in just how wonderful he was.  I would run my hand through his baby soft hair, and giggle at his pouty lips while he slept.  My husband would come when he was asleep, and offer to take him and put him down in bed.  More often than not, my answer was "not yet".  Not yet... 

When I had my daughter, I looked forward to doing the same with her.  Much to my dismay, she hated being held when trying to fall asleep, and preferred the quiet of her crib.  My rocking moments, and having her fall asleep in my arms were rare.  And, in a captured time when she did allow me the peaceful moment of laying with me, my answer to giving it up was always "not yet".  Not yet...

My precious babies are now almost 11 and 13, and I don't get those moments anymore.  My kids don't fall asleep in my arms.  I don't watch them as they sleep, I don't get to match their peaceful breath.  I don't get to hold them so close to me that our hearts beat at the same time.  They grew up in a blink, and, I, very often, I feel like I missed it.  When there is a night where one of them is in a cuddly mood, and perhaps in my lap, or in the same chair at bed time, I am guilty, from time to time, to whispering "not yet".  And when it's bed time, and they say "awwww not yet..."  I am grateful.  I am grateful they want to be near me.  I need that.  I need time to slow down, and I need a few "not yet"s still.  

So, my sweet Mercedes, when someone tells you to let her cry, and not pick her up, you go ahead and tell them "not yet".  There's plenty of time for her to be alone, and she's allowed to have her mommy hold her while you can.  I'm sure her soul cries "not yet" once in a while, just like yours.  Hold tight to your moments, and take every "not yet" that you can.  I would give up a lot to have those peaceful moments back, holding my child in my arms, having our heart beats match - because once, we were one.  

One day you will have to let go, but Not Yet.  






Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Tall Drink Of Water

It's a fact that our bodies our made up of sixty five percent water.  We need it to survive.  It's hydration, it's renewal, it's a pure element that keeps us alive.

I am trying to get back on a track to being healthier - back to a little less shapely tall drink of water.  In order to do that, one must cleanse.  I started with restarting my vitamin regimen and water - lots and lots of water.  40 or more ounces per day, and I couldn't be more grateful for a simple element.  I can feel it flushing my body, releasing toxins, releasing stress, calming nerves.

The Earth gives it to us as a gift in abundance, and we take advantage of it, and forget about it, ignore it.  We need it to survive, and it's gifted to us, without request.  The Earth knows, the Earth provides, be grateful for elements.  I am.


Monday, December 12, 2011

Not That Knot

I have not turned my head or put my chin to my chest without pain in well over a week, probably two.  I have neglected my body telling me to pay attention.

One very talented massage therapist, some muscular dedication, and, yes, breathing through the pain, and I am nodding - pain free.  I am very grateful for Kerry Doran tonight, and very grateful for the coma state my body wanted to take on right after some stubborn knots in my shoulders let go.

Kerry has another name for the "knots" in my shoulders - but I can't recall it...I have other names for them too. I named one Teenzilla after a less than impressive experience in Wal Mart over shoes.  I named another one Aspergers Syndrome.  If you promise not to tell anyone, I will secretly tell you that one is called Resentment, and tends to flare up more often than I like.

A little TLC from time to time, and all the "knots" are not in Kerry's hands- and I, as well as my muscles, are sooooo grateful.




Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Family Tree

Today was the day we broke out the Christmas garb.  We set up the tree, strung the lights and ribbon, and one by one, sorted through our memories.  I don't have one "set" of ornaments on my tree.  Every single one came from a place of love.  There are gifts, and treasures, there are crafts and glittering wonders.    I am filled with sentimentality and blissful memories, and I am grateful for everyone; for each Baby's First Christmas, for every beaded candy cane, for every single smile that resulted in hanging ornaments.  I loved every "remember when", and every single "ohhh I got this one from...".

And when it's all done, and the day light dims, and the lights sparkle a light like no other, I get very teary at the family on my tree.  I am grateful for the moments and people that make our family Christmas tree.




The angel on top...well, she's there to hear me every time I whisper "I wish you were here".  

Dance With Me

Another busy, busy day, and a busy night of Christmas party socialization.  I love the opportunity to get shiny, and dressed up, and socialize.  We had some good laughs, and great food, and I think my feet will eventually forgive me for the shoes I jammed them into for five and a half hours.

Among the lights, and the laughter, and the hum of it all, comes a moment where I hear the beat of a song, and I know, I get to capture a moment.  I know there's a point, I can whisper to my husband "dance with me", and he will.  And then it happens, out there on the dance floor.  It's the quick twirl that makes the skirt of my dress spin like a princess, and the rest of the room disappear.  It's the moment where it becomes just he and I, and matched steps, and a memory of the first time I got caught up in the spin.  I am grateful for being spun off my feet.  That's where it all started, that's where I can always find it, and I am in love.  And it's as simple as that.





I am also grateful for the little bit of ego that I have to say I am grateful when it looks better on me than the hanger ; ) .



Saturday, December 10, 2011

Honey Do List

I fear if I sit here for too long, I will loose the ambition I woke up with.  I clearly didn't have it when I went to bed last night, as I was asleep in the chair long before I even thought of my blog post for yesterday.

This morning, as I would have been yesterday, I am grateful for ambition.  I have so many things on my list of things to do today. Clean and Christmas the house is our first order of business...so I better get to it.

P.s.  I am also grateful to not be the cat suffering the cuddles, squishes and over attention of girls having a sleepover.  I think she has finally escaped and is hiding...as I would be.

Have a wonderful day friends, and good luck if you have a "To Do" list as long as mine!






Thursday, December 8, 2011

Confessions of a Super Hero

...staring at the screen...

...typing...deleting...contemplating...

It's not that I don't have anything to be grateful for, I am just at a loss of inspiration tonight, and for no particular reason.  I guess sometimes it just happens.  If I looked around, I could find a hundred things I am grateful for, I just lack in energy tonight - and for that reason, but not solely, I am grateful for good doctors.  

I spent some time today with a good doctor, seeking out the source of my decreased energy and fatigue.  Despite her being a keener as a doctor, I must say I almost laughed in her face when she asked if might be "depressed".  Ha. Ha. Hahahahahhahahhahahahaaaaaa.... Ummmmmmm no, that's not it.  "Good then, lets do a hundred tests and see where you score".  Oh goody... 

I don't often go to doctors, and today, I am also grateful for the reminder why.  Depressed... Really?  Have we met?  Although, she did say, "if you don't hear from me, no news is good news.  If your tests are normal, you need to decide - do we explore further, or, do you do a life evaluation, and see where some changes need to me made - determine where you are at?"  

Interesting insight, doctor...Interesting insight.  

Another point of interesting insight I have been tossing around from good Doc G... "are you simply tiring of saving of the world, and maybe it's time to take off the cape for a while?"  Me?  Trying to save the world?  

Interesting insight, good doctor...Interesting...  

I kinda like the cape.





Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Abacus of Blessings

It is very easy to forget how lucky we are, until we learn of someone else's challenge.  It is then, that we find ourselves counting our blessings, over and over, reminding ourselves to never, ever take advantage of time, or health, or moments.  I am grateful to have so many blessings that I cannot count them on both hands, and even if I take off my socks, the blessings out number my physical abacus.

I am grateful for times when I remember to be the friend I would like to have.  I am grateful for times when I accept there are no words to ease someone else's pain, or fear, but offer what I have - time, a shoulder, a friendly face, an ear to listen, a heart to love, and soul that talks to God.  

My friend, when you think you have no more strength to carry on, when you have fallen, and getting up seems impossible, I will be there, bringing you back, putting your feet on the ground, and taking the world from shoulders and placing it in your hands.  This is what this friend does - and I have never been more grateful for knowing what the true love of a friend is.  


As I learned, you will never walk alone. 






Ethereal Charm



Ethereal: created through poetic imagination.  And that's exactly how it turned out. *sigh*








Projects that keep my hands busy, and my mind filled with creative energy and imagination are my favorite.  I was so deep into my charming creation that I missed writing my post last night. I love putting pieces together, like trying to make a crazy dream make sense, and I am grateful it is all perfectly clear when it's done.  It's my puzzle of dreams, created through poetic imagination.  Ethereal.  I dig it.


Monday, December 5, 2011

Small Things

Small things today...

A warm sweater, comfortable shoes...

One foot in front of the other...

Reminders of who I am from unexpected places...

I am grateful for those people God puts in our way when we need them.  I am grateful for people that break the lonely moments that lurk in dark places and let some light in. 

One foot in front of the other...

A warm sweater, comfortable shoes...

Points of light...

Small things today...





Sunday, December 4, 2011

Hanging By A Moment

Sometimes I find myself at the end of a rope - and I often say, "tie a knot a hang on".  But what happens when you get to a place where there's not enough left to tie the knot?

I like to think that in all of my almost 36 years of life, I have experienced a lot, and learned so much.  I have become a better person than I once was, and that is important to me.  I have propelled my life forward through many challenges, and for that, I am not only grateful, but proud of myself.  But there are times, in the harsh darkness of the early morning, when I question if I have learned enough.  Have I learned enough?  Have I gathered enough strength in who I am to not accept things that are unacceptable?  Is there, all of the sudden, space in my life for so much that I put behind me without looking back?  How is it that becoming invisible is so easy after such a hard lesson?

The answer is... I find myself hanging by moments.  There are moments of magic that I cling to, like hanging onto the branch of a well rooted tree.  I hang onto moments that took my breath away, moments that stopped time.  I am always grateful for the moments, but is there a point of over-gratitude?  Are the sum of the moments enough to braid together to create more rope, so perhaps there's room to tie a knot?  


How many moments are enough?




Saturday, December 3, 2011

Comfort Food

Where did the day go?  The sky is dark, speckled with snow flakes that shine in the light of the street lights.

It's been another snowy, blustery day.  I am already tired of winter.  My work out today - shoveling sidewalks and the driveway - all to be dusted again with fresh falling snow.  Drat...   I started soup stock before I went outside, and was welcomed with a waft of the delicious, homey scent of warm soup.  I threw some buns in the oven and added some life to my soup stock.  Chicken, spices, broccoli, spices, carrots, spices, celery, spices, and noodles.  Oodles and oodles of noodles.

I am grateful for comfort food - home made soup and warm buns on a blustery day.  I am grateful for my warm house and a good movie.  I am grateful for my comforts of home, sweet home.



Friday, December 2, 2011

Sucker for Sappy

I didn't know what I was going to write about tonight.  I really was at a loss about what I wanted to say.  That doesn't happen often.

Click...tv on...click, click, flip, flip... Folgers commercial.  A big brother comes home from Africa and his sister meets him at the door...sappy, sappy, sappy... coffee, coffee, coffee... gulpy with tears in my eyes?!


Oh, I love touching commercials, and I am a sucker for anything that makes me warm and fuzzy and teary.  I don't mind at all watching a commercial and getting teary, I love watching movies that empty me when I am too over stacked.  Tonight, watching a coffee commercial, I am grateful that I allow free flowing emotion within myself.  I can recognize touching moments, relate to them, maybe even want them to be mine (yes that's what Folgers accomplished right there in my living room today - good job ad team!).  I am so grateful I am so far from robotic.


...yeah, sometimes I wish the moments were mine.



Thursday, December 1, 2011

So Full

I am so full....

I ate too much...

I laughed - a lot - but never too much...

I am grateful for the laughter, and good food, warm company, and for being full of joy.

I am not as grateful for the farewell to a wonderful team leader, his patience, and his wisdom.

And so the changes begin; a circle of sadness and joy, adventures and lessons, opening and closing.



I am so full...
I fear the dam breaking open.